I’m So Fancy: Westridge Varsity Basketball Shopping List

By Lucy Grindon

Photo by Lucy Grindon.

Photo by Lucy Grindon.

  1. Flexible and breathable sweatshirts for warming up
  2. Aesthetically pleasing sweatshirts for intimidation and swag
  3. Comfy and cozy sweatshirts for pre-game power naps
  4. Nap pods (If Google won’t sell us theirs, we’ll just buy Google)
  5. New rip-off pants. Last year’s have been ripped off so many times that the velcro has worn down
  6. “Magic Mike” DVDs so the team can study proper rip-off pants technique
  7. Closet organization materials from the Container Store for basketball clothing storage
  8. A private jet with a giant SUPERSTARS banner trailing it
  9. Louis Vuitton luggage to hold the team’s stuff on jet rides to Poly
  10. Live tiger to serve as a mascot and pump the team up
  11. Tiger repellent
  12. At least two tiger tamers
  13. Life-sized cardboard cutouts of Coach Horn so players can have constant encouragement in their homes

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